Forest Gump

 I saw a silly meme once that riffed off of Forest Gump's line about chocolate.  It said something along the likes of "Not everyone is going to like you,  your not a box of chocolate".  That line has stayed with me and resonated with me quite a bit lately.  Earlier in my life, my emotions would rise and fall with each hurtful or helpful comment.  I can still remember things people said in an off-the-cuff mark - the sting of those words left their mark.  

As I grow older and more comfortable in my skin, I try to remember I can't please everyone.  Not everyone has to like me.  It's ok.... I am not a box of chocolate.  I have tried to be true to what I believe, to show people basic human kindness and decency.  I have turned the proverbial other cheek. I have bitten my tongue more times than I can count.  

Sometimes I lose the battle with this one.  I am a pleaser by nature... a nurturer, a I want to fix you and help you kind of person.  Having people like me goes along with that, my psyche needs that reassurance.  Today, I lost the battle.  I let the actions of someone else, get me down.  I am replaying and replaying the conversation in my mind.... what could I have done, what could I have said differently.... did I do something wrong?  My stomach is in knots, my head is killing me, and I am so down.  

You know what... it's on the other person... I am not taking their negativity.  I am not going to rise and fall on someone else's words or actions. Logically, I know that I didn't do anything wrong or with bad intentions. Not everyone has to like me -   I am not a box of chocolate.

Pivot

 PIVOT! You remember that scene from Friends where Ross is screaming "PIVOT, PIVOT"?  Since March 13th, I feel like I have been stuck in that one scene.  I have learned to Pivot on a dime.  School is closed for two weeks ... we will be back, don't take everything home. So we pivoted to a modified school system for the kids.   Fast forward two weeks, schools will be closed for the foreseeable future, but you still can't get your stuff since we are quarantined... pivot again. Do your best, they said, but stay inside and don't go out.

We seemed to settle down for the remainder of the school year.  Lots of personal pivots... family vacations canceled, beach trips become a game of how far apart can I sit from these people on the beach. I mean really, it was like a giant game of Jenga...ooh, they are getting too close, should I move to the left... nope there is someone there. Pivot, pivot, pivot.

Then the new year began, major pivot time. Lots of last-minute decisions.  Let's push back the year by two weeks but teachers you should come to school to "train". Pivot all of those planned lessons.  Let's go virtual but teachers should teach from school.  Pivot.  Now I have to sit in an empty classroom and teach.  Glad I didn't have little kids that needed me to help them.  (Those teachers could teach from home but their littles would be there too... how do you do that?!?) Finally, let's all come back to school but parents can decide what they want to do.  Here is a list of requirements for the classroom. Pivot.. now we get ready... how do I put these desks so far apart, how will they each lunch? Pivot, Pivot, Pivot.

The year seems to be a series of more pivots.  Don't want to come to school, have covid, tired today from a late-game... stay at home... I will upload all of your lessons.. sure you can join virtually.  Whatever it takes!  The weather is bad... let's stay home and I will teach you without any of your supplies.  Pivot, pivot, pivot.  One thing for sure is I am a master of the pivot... maybe I could have helped Ross!

Consistency is the Key

 Consistency is key. It doesn't really matter what you are working on, discussing, or thinking about... consistency is key.  In order to make sure something "sticks", you have to put in the work.  Like real work.. not half the work.. the whole shebang.  Time, effort, and CONSISTENCY are what it takes for EVERYTHING!

Many have read or heard about Malcolm Gladwell's theory on 10,000 hours.  That it takes 10,000 hours to get really good at something or to "learn" it.  Many subscribe to the theory that it takes 21 days to create a habit or to have something "stick".  I say again... CONSISTENCY is the key.  When you are consistent with your efforts, you reap rewards.

You want to lose 50 pounds... then create a calorie deficit and STICK to it.  It won't happen overnight.. Consistency is the key.  You want to play the guitar.... then find a program, practice and STICK with it.  It won't happen immediately.... Consistency is the key.  You want to hit home runs... then get in the batting cage and practice.  You won't hit one over the next game.... Consistency is the key. 

All too often, we want something in life, whatever that may be, but we are not willing to put in the time, effort, or the CONSISTENCY to make it happen.  We tend to give up when the first negative thing happens, but we can't.  We have to fight the urge to quit... we need to buckle down... double our efforts... pull ourselves up.... and STICK with it!  Things may get tough, it may seem like you are going backward but CONSISTENCY is the key.  Whatever you are fighting for, working towards, or struggling with, stick with it.... CONSISTENCY is the key. 

The note

 The note is tattered and worn.  It's taped haphazardly to the kidney table. The note is full of love, promise, and phonetically spelled words.  The small, white note was one of thanks from student to teacher written on copy paper and cut out with love.  

The writer secretly placed the thank you note on my desk.  She wanted me to know how much she was inspired to write more, that she loved writing and couldn't wait to be a writer.  I taped it lovingly to my desk, a year later it is still there.  The note reminds me that I am making a difference, that my love for writing shows through to my "kids" and sometimes it just takes reaching one student to make a difference. 

The writer of the note struggles academically.  She is in the remedial group - often leaving class to receive help.  Somehow she always made it back for writing! Writing gave her a purpose, an outlet, and a chance to be successful.  That is what we want for all kids - to find the joy in education, to find their purpose, and above all... to feel successful.  This girl, this note... she felt like she was successful, and she made feel that way too.

The worn, tattered note of thanks warms my heart.  What a simple gesture, what a moment of pure kindness the note is.  She has no idea how much that simple note means, but I do.  Every day her kind words, her note from the heart reminds me that I am doing something right. 

Not today....

 Have you ever struggled to find an idea for your blog post?  Has your mind been all over the place with ideas but none feel quite right?  That is where I am today... lots of ideas but nothing to show for it. Writer's block is a real thing... even for blog posts!

I just can't seem to find the words or even the correct keys on the keyboard this morning.  You might say to wait until later to write.  Anyone that knows the life of a teacher knows that the farther into the day you get the busier you become.  After school, I have an IEP meeting and then I have dinner to make for a ravenous 17-year-old.  If I am going to write anything, it has to get done now. This sounds like a bunch of excuses... I can almost hear that in my own teacher's voice :)!

Today may just not be my best writing day.  You know what?!? That is ok!  I have learned that I must give myself grace.  That in this year when so much has changed, so much pressure has been placed on teachers, I have to give myself a break.  I can't be perfect or "on" all the time.  Some days... I just don't have it.  Today is that day!  So, tomorrow I will write longer and better, I will have more to say... after all, I have a million ideas today !

Teenagers

I have written about my children many times in the past.  They are easy to write about! They are constantly doing something that sparks my need to write... or vent in this case.  Calling them children is a misnomer.  My oldest is 20... so a quasi-adult and the youngest is 17....a wanna-be adult. The 20-year-old is away at college so our interactions are limited to phone calls, text messages, and the occasional snap.  The 17-year-old is here at home in all his teenage glory.

The thing about teenagers is there are a lot like toddlers.  They are longing for independence but not super sure how to get it.  They still want you to help them if they fail but don't really want you to help at all... if that makes sense.  The MAJOR difference between the two stages is a toddler's quest for independence is small in comparison... like jumping off the bed or telling you a defiant no.  A teenager's quest for independence is WAY bigger and comes with so much worry for the parent. 

Another fabulous - insert major eye roll here - thing about teenagers is that their emotions can switch on a dime. For example, yesterday we were having a great day.  The weather was nice, and we had been chatting companionably on the new deck.  We read a little, listened to his newfound love of PINK FLOYD?!? , and just hung out.  Then, we came inside.  The wanna-be adult was getting bored, he wanted something to do.  He started the familiar refrain of "I am bored... what can I do.... I want to do something".  So I started suggesting things... first mistake.  All my suggestions were wrong, not something he wanted to do, or dumb.  "No, I don't want to do that... why would I clean my room... the book is boring... I will run later... no I don't want to cook... MOM!"  Meanwhile, my husband is in the kitchen growing more irritated by the second... as am I but I know not to poke the bear.  Finally, my husband while he is walking out the door to start the grill snaps, "Stop Whining! Find something to do".  Uh - Oh ... he poked the bear.  Doors are slammed, feet are stomped and the quiet afternoon is OVER. Well.. it was quiet since he didn't talk to us until right before bed.  Teenagers can hold that moody, angst for a LONG time!

I love my wanna-be adult, don't get me wrong.... he is a great kid! I know this will pass and he will grow out of this.  But right now... parenting a teenager is no joke! 

Spring Fever

 Spring is here... you can tell by the crisp mornings and cool afternoons.  You can tell by the birds chirping in the early morning and the misty fog that rolls off the fields.  You see more people walking, porch sitting, and outdoor dining. You can tell by the increased energy in a classroom!

I began to notice the tell-tale signs of classroom spring fever earlier in the week.  The slightest uptick in temperature begins to alert the little people that summer is around the corner.  They become more restless, more apt to blurt, and they nit-pick each other more.  

The little humans begin to beg for more recess... "please five more minutes?.... that wasn't enough time..." Recess time during the spring fever outbreak becomes a time of intense competition and an increase in arguments.  "Mrs. Garrison... he cheated....she won't let me play.... he broke the hula hoop...". In fairness to the little humans, the big humans want to spend more time outside, too.  We all enjoy the break from the stale classroom air and breathing in the fresh air.... unless you have allergies!

Spring fever is a thing...  just like the way teachers can predict a full moon.  We can tell that the temperature is warming, that spring sports are ramping up and the kids have been staying up later.  Homework is left undone, kids are more tired, and more minutes are spent staring out the window.  Ask any Educator you know, they know when spring is coming without looking at a thermometer! 

17 year olds

One positive outcome of the pandemic is that I was afforded the extra time to spend with my then 16 and 19-year-old sons.  I will treasure the extra time spent with them... it was a gift that I would not have had in a normal year.  Since August, I have not had the same amount of time with my boys.  My oldest went back to college and is now about four hours away.  My youngest is back at school and so am I.

Once school resumed in October, I have been busier than ever learning to navigate teaching virtually and face to face at the same time.  I haven't had the energy to sit and talk and am often asleep by the time he is ramping up.  I really began to miss the talks, the closeness, or even just sitting side by side watching a silly show.

Yesterday, I was needed a favor from my now 17-year-old. I was taking the chicken brooder and supplies back to my classroom and I needed his car and his muscles.  After some negotiating, we brought the supplies back to school.  Now, he hasn't been inside my school, his old elementary school, since last year.  We have made some changes to the school since he was last here.  Our new principal added these wonderful pictures from a national gallery.  These pictures are all of children from the Middle East. Most are very poignant, often evoking sadness, and at the very least causes you to pause and look at them.  We have around 100 or so of these pictures... they are on every hall.

His first reaction was "What are those"? "Why are they here?" "They are a little creepy".  Then he began to discuss the pictures.  He immediately understood why a school would want to show those pictures.  He just couldn't understand WHY his old school would want to.  In his 17-year-old very idealistic mind he just didn't see how it would make a difference.  Listening to his thought process play out, I was amazed at how intelligent he is.  He could see it from all angles.  He saw why the school wanted to expose the kids to the pictures.  He knew that showing the faces of kids who were less fortunate was important.  He feared that we were over generalizing the situation... that not all kids in these countries looked like that.  He talked about how he used to think all of Africa was poor when in fact there are countries that have wealth.  Didn't we need some pictures of US kids in poverty so they could compare that? He talked about how 99% of the kids just look at the pictures and don't pay much attention to the situation. The conversation went on and on and on!  It was fascinating and he made some very valid points.

That car ride was a gift.  A gift to see his mind working, to have more than a few word conversation, and a chance to learn from him.  I know today, I looked at the pictures differently.  I wondered how I can ensure that the students "see" them for what they are.  How can I incorporate that young idealism into my classroom?  Lots of thoughts today for me... all after a chance to talk to my youngest.

Now, in all seriousness, some of the conversations were pure kid.  Like... why are all the walls brown?  It's an elementary school - shouldn't they be orange or pink?  Why would you want the school to be so modern?  Shouldn't it be happy and bright? I got nothing to say to that... he is right again! 😀

Things I Have Learned

 It has been a year since the world changed for so many of us.  That sounds so dramatic... but it did change.  We have lost our normal, our security, and for some our lives.  Covid has drastically changed the way in which we view the world, each other, and things may never be the same again.  I choose to see what is positive about this situation... I refuse to be mired in the muck of negativity.  I have decided to reflect on the things that I have learned. So here goes, here are my musings on what I have learned.

1. Toilet paper, paper towels, Lysol wipes, and cans of Lysol are something people really need.

2. I have come to recognize the various brands of "Lysol" wipes by their smells... they are not all the same.

3. People need people.

4. My family is pretty cool.

5. Watching your children navigate this new normal is humbling and rewarding.

6. I have raised some really resilient children, who in the face of a pandemic rose to the challenge and created a new normal.

7. Kids need face-to-face school - sure some perform well virtually - but they need the interaction of their peers, the closeness of their teacher, and the overall structure of face-to-face school.

8. Staying connected with family and friends is very important - even if it's virtually.

9. People need to choose kind - wear the mask - I know that is not popular for some people - BUT it is one unselfish way to help mankind.

10. Smiling with our eyes has become a skill.

11. Likewise, giving the "stink eye" has become an art form!

12. People need to annunciate their words - it's hard to hear with a mask on

13. People can rise to any challenge that is put in front of them.  

14. We will get back to normal - sometime soon... I hope!

I think I could go on and on.  My most important takeaway from this past year is that I can adapt to anything, that I can stay true to who I am even in the face of chaos and I have raised children who can do the same.  I can't wait to see what this next year will bring us... but for now I will keep on keeping on!

The Blue Boxes

 "Billy, Lois... I have Mum's picture albums.  Do you have any interest in looking through them?" I asked on Friday evening.  Billy and Lois, my brother and sister in law had just arrived from Pennsylvania.  This is the first time that we have been together in over a year.  We had just finished one of our mom's old recipes, Slomgolean, and were feeling a bit nostalgic. 

"Sure!" Lois answered rather quickly.  Billy just sorta rolled his eyes and muttered a "whatever".  Boys are so weird, especially about pictures and strolling down memory lane.  We went about our night, chatting about all of the things that they have been doing since the "shutdown".  We marveled at how different each state was.  Lois commented that the further south they came the less they saw masks.  "Yeah, that seems to be the norm around here," I replied with a smirk and a shrug.  

Saturday morning arrived with nasty cold, windy, wet weather, so our planned walk was off.  We ate breakfast with an old familiarity that can only be found with family.  I just kept going back to the blue boxes in my storage closet in my mind.  I knew once we got them out we would all enjoy it.  So... I enlisted my husband to help me carry these two heather blue dusty boxes to the kitchen table.  "Here they are! Do you want to look through them before I have to start cooking?"  "Sure, Chris.  I am coming," Billy muttered.  Lois looked around for her reading glasses and eagerly approached the table.

We spent the next few minutes going through an album.  "Ooh, look at Mum!"  "Who is this guy?" "Any idea who this is?"  "Why is Mum wearing a uniform?" And on and on we went as we explored the album.  It was especially fun when we got to the bikini pics from my 8-month-old photos.  Every sister alive can imagine the ribbing I got from that one! "I need to cook.  Can we look through some more after dinner?" I asked.  "I guess" came the reply.

Dinner was finished, we were all stuffed from our steak, potato, and mushroom dinner.  We cleared the table and I made my way to the boxes.  I could feel my brother's glare from across the room... as if he was trying to will me away from the boxes.  Boys! Being the fantastic little sister that I am, I totally ignored him.  I have been ignoring his looks forever... why start paying attention now?

I slowly opened the lid on a new box.  This one had what seemed like a million newspaper clippings.  "Why are all these here?" I wondered.  "OOH Look... It's your wedding announcement!" and with my best theatrical voice I began to read.... "The bride wore Chantilly lace......" 

Finally Got it!

 Today was the beginning of getting back to normal... or at least I hope so!  My state finally made teachers eligible for the vaccine. We have been waiting patiently... ok not so patiently... to receive the vaccine. Today was the big day for me and many other teachers across the state.

I was very fortunate to find an appointment near me and on the first day.  I kept hitting refresh on the site until a slot opened up.  It was almost like back in the day when you would try and get concert tickets.  You know, how you would hit redial a bazillion times until you got through.  I was almost as excited about making the appointment as I was when I scored Garth Brooks tickets! Who would have thought that getting a vaccine appointment and the vaccine itself would elicit such happiness?!?

The entire process was pretty painless, in case you are wondering.  I signed in, filled out various forms, and answered the Pharmacist's questions. We were so busy talking that I didn't even realize that she gave me the shot!  It really didn't hurt at all.  Now, I will say that I could tell in the muscles of my arm pretty much right away.  They became pretty tight and stiff... almost like when you get a tetanus shot.  You have to wait for about 15 minutes after the shot to make sure you do not have an allergic reaction and then I was on my way.  That is the entire process!

I have been lucky so far!  I have some discomfort in my arm.  It is sore, tight but not overly painful.  Again for comparison's sake, it is like a tetanus shot.  I did a pretty calm workout this morning and will do a more rigorous workout this afternoon.  Hopefully, by then the stiffness will be gone!

So for those of you who haven't gotten it yet, and wanted a run down... there it is.  I am so happy to have made the first step towards getting back to normal.