First Time in a Year...

 Today is the first time in over a year that we have attended school four days in a row.  Normally, we have Wednesdays off so that the building may be cleaned.  This week because the county is providing vaccines to the teachers, they have switched the asynchronous day to Friday.  Last week was the same way, but severe storms were set to move in and we were virtual last Thursday and Friday.

Boy, to say that I am super tired is an understatement. I have forgotten how it feels to get up at 4AM this many days in a row.  I am not sure I have enough coffee to make it!! How did I ever do this five days a week?  I guess the body adjusts to the schedule and it becomes normal.  But right now... not so normal!

I can only imagine how my students will be feeling this morning. They haven't done this either... I wonder how many will choose to go virtual today?  How many will be late because they needed to sleep in?  I am sure that the ones that are here on time, will be slow going and super tired.  Which we all know can go one of two ways. The kids will be super chatty or they will be little zombies.  I don't know which one I would rather show up... I am so tired and I know my reaction to their behavior will be different than normal.

Nothing much to do but to just make this day work.  I will embrace the tired... because at least I can sleep in a bit tomorrow. I will embrace whatever little people show up... because I love them tired or not.  I will embrace my million cups of coffee... at least I have plenty.  Let's hope I can embrace all these things!!

Chicken Coops

 Unexpectedly yesterday afternoon, my partner teacher and I received a wonderful gift.  We raise chickens and one of our families is donating two brand new coops.  Our current coops are in need of repair and after being moved over the summer are in rough shape.  They are completely repairable, usable, and viable.. but the gift was offered and we accepted. 

I am not the original chicken "tender" in my partnership. My partner teacher, Bram, started the program about 5 or six years ago.  Her class at the time designed the coop and run out of an old refrigerator box.  These kids put the engineering design process to use.  They gathered on weekends and used class time to construct and build the coop and run.  How amazing is that?!? What a talented group of students.

When I joined, we shared her coop until I could have one built.  My parents and students used the same design that the original kids used.  Now we had two coops built out of their imaginations. We have repaired these original coops over the years, painted them matching colors, and put our baby chicks in there with love.  

Over the summer, my county's maintenance department moved the coops and runs to make way for portables.  In the move, they didn't care for them the way we would have if we had moved them.  They weren't broken per se but damaged. Nothing that we couldn't fix on our class restoration day... which was scheduled for this weekend.

As we were packing up to go home yesterday, we received a phone call from one of our parents offering us the new coops and runs.  She had already begun building them in her shop. We accepted this kind offer and immediately sent the remaining parents an email letting them know that chicken coop restoration was off. To say this was a whirlwind afternoon, would be an understatement.

It all happened so fast, that I don't think Bram had a chance to process what was happening.  She had put so much time, effort, love, and memories into these coops.  These coops were a testament to her students who created them.  They offer a lasting legacy to Bram's contribution to her kids, the school, and me. What Bram doesn't know is the legacy isn't in the wood, the nails, or the chicken wire...the legacy is in the memories that we all hold.  The way she has paved the way for us to have a chicken project, the love she has shown to each chicken and to the kids who raise them.  She has created countless kids that will grow up and realize that they can do anything that they set their minds to.  Bram continually shows the students, community, and me that it isn't about the final product but the journey along the way.  So today, as she is letting go of her "legacy", I hope that she finds comfort in the fact that we hold her legacy in our hearts. 

What's that Noise?

 "Ping, Ping...Tap, Tap"

"Ping, Ping...Tap, Tap"

"Ping, Ping...Tap, Tap" What is that Noise? It starts softly and grows in loudness as I reach the bottom of the stairs.  Should I be afraid... no that doesn't sound like anything scary. I quickly make my way down the hall, flip on the light switch, and see the puddle.  

It takes a minute for my mind and eyes to connect.  I see the wet area rug, the wet hardwood floors but can't quite connect the two.  As my eye drip up to the source of the wetness, I spot the leak.  "Oh great, I think", not another leak.  We have been plagued by leaky pipes for the last two years, and it looks like another one sprung a leak. 

My mind is fully awake now.. not what I want to deal with at 4:05 in the morning.  But I do... I grab my largest soup pot and place it under the drip.  I dry up the wet hardwoods and sorta stare at the mess that is now my kitchen.  Oh, well... I better go work out.

As I ascend the stairs from the basement, sweaty from my boxing workout, I hear a new noise "Ting, Ting" "Ting, Ting".  This is the terribly, annoying sound of water hitting the large metal soup pot.  "Maybe I should have made a better choice", I think. I turn off all the lights in the kitchen since the dripping water is close to the light and turn on the light over the sink.  Then, I make the mistake of looking backward... the small leak is big.  I can see the water trails across the BRAND new ceiling - we had a leak here last year and had the whole ceiling replaced. "Great" I exclaimed out loud to no one.  

Not much I can do this morning, I have to head to school.  Although, I do wake my husband to tell him about the leak.  "Hey, Bill... we have another leak in the kitchen" "Huh? What! Oh great!"

The Little Guy

 We have a large dog and a smaller dog.  For us, the smaller dog is really little but for most, the small dog is normal size.  The little guy loves big and wants to be near you at all times.  He will lay touching you for hours on end... often refusing to move.  This is all fine and dandy until you try to sleep - then it becomes a problem.

I usually go to bed before anyone else.  I get up super early in the morning - like 4AM during the week and around 6 on the weekend, so by 8PM, I am ready for bed.  The little guy knows exactly what I am doing when I push the button on the recliner and sit up.  My next step is to plug in my iPad, take my allergy medicine, and then head up the stairs.  He pops up from wherever he is sitting and bounds up the stairs.  

He always makes it up the stairs before I do.  I can't seem to trick him into letting me be the first one into the room.  He leaps onto the bed and turns his customary three circles before settling in. At this point, he is on the opposite side of the bed.  Which is perfect, but will not last long.  Eventually, my husband comes to bed and the little guy moves to underneath my feet.  Sweet right?!? No, it's not.  This little 40-pound ball of love will not move and generates enough heat to warm an entire house! You can push him, pick him up, even yell at him and he will not move. Once he is settled in, he is good for the night.

Now, my youngest is supposed to come and get him and take him to his room.  That happens less and less.  The little guy makes it so hard to pick him up, it has become more of a hassle. Sometimes, we take him to the youngest room, not often enough though.  This little dog melts into the bed! He is so set on staying where he is.

Last night, was no different. I race up the stairs to try and shut the door before he gets there.  Of course, I lose out.  He turns three times and settles in.  I am fine at first... I settle in and fall fast asleep.  The problem begins around midnight.  Now my husband is fast asleep and the little guy has moved right under my feet.  He won't move, the covers keep getting stuck and the heat he generates is too much.  I push a little, nudge some with my feet... nothing.  He won't move.  I stand up, thinking I will move him tonight.  Just as I get close to him and put my hands on him... he moves closer to my husband.  I quickly get back in bed, the heat is gone, I can move my legs... and I drift off to sleep.  I can't imagine my husband can say the same thing. 

Nighttime Sounds

 The sounds at night are solemn

The sounds at night are mysterious

The sounds at night are normal

But when the nighttime sounds change...

The sounds at night are scary

The sounds at night cause worry

The sounds at night create anxiety

The sounds at night become sleeplessness

But when the worrier falls asleep...

The sounds at night are quiet

The sounds at night are still

The sounds at night are normal

People Passing Through

 Late yesterday afternoon, my son and I began to scroll through Amazon photos.  With Prime, they have an option that you can store all of your photos, and you can share them with your family.  So, all of the photos from my phone automatically upload to Prime Photos.  What is even cooler is with the Fire Stick, the photos stream to your TV!  How cool is that... its like our own family slide show.

Anyway, for some unknown reason, we decided to look at all the photos on Prime.  We started with the most recent, skipped a lot of the ones that come up on the TV, and really focused on some we haven't seen in a while. I can't tell you how much fun this was.  It was cool to see the enjoyment this brought my 17-year-old.  He laughed and smiled and asked a ton of questions.  We spent lots of time looking at his hair - he has great blond hair - I mean girls would die for the color and the thickness.  He has had a variety of hairstyles through the years and most of them were pretty long.  He has it short now.... but I know after looking at the pictures, he will be growing it out again.  

He is an old soul.. often looking right to the heart of the matter or offering insight that most teenagers don't have.  He mentioned to me near the end, "I haven't spoken to a ton of these people in years... like this one... maybe a decade."  "Wonder what they are doing?  We spent all kinds of time with these guys... I bet they wouldn't recognize me now." "Wow, that's kinda sad that people just are in your life and then they aren't"  We talked about how sometimes, especially with sports, families spend a lot of time with the people they are playing with, and then when the team disbands or the seasons over, people move on.  Not all people, there are many we still talk to or communicate with in some way, but lots have moved on.  Sure you chat when you run into them, or vaguely wave hello like you remember them from somewhere.  It is pretty strange to think of all the people that have passed through your life.  I haven't really stopped to pause and consider how many that has been.

To keep the situation light and fun, we ended with the video when his older brother had his wisdom teeth out.  Probably shouldn't have shown that to him.... going to be lots of teasing going on about that.  At least we have all of the pictures and videos to remind us of the people, places, and events that have happened. 

Forest Gump

 I saw a silly meme once that riffed off of Forest Gump's line about chocolate.  It said something along the likes of "Not everyone is going to like you,  your not a box of chocolate".  That line has stayed with me and resonated with me quite a bit lately.  Earlier in my life, my emotions would rise and fall with each hurtful or helpful comment.  I can still remember things people said in an off-the-cuff mark - the sting of those words left their mark.  

As I grow older and more comfortable in my skin, I try to remember I can't please everyone.  Not everyone has to like me.  It's ok.... I am not a box of chocolate.  I have tried to be true to what I believe, to show people basic human kindness and decency.  I have turned the proverbial other cheek. I have bitten my tongue more times than I can count.  

Sometimes I lose the battle with this one.  I am a pleaser by nature... a nurturer, a I want to fix you and help you kind of person.  Having people like me goes along with that, my psyche needs that reassurance.  Today, I lost the battle.  I let the actions of someone else, get me down.  I am replaying and replaying the conversation in my mind.... what could I have done, what could I have said differently.... did I do something wrong?  My stomach is in knots, my head is killing me, and I am so down.  

You know what... it's on the other person... I am not taking their negativity.  I am not going to rise and fall on someone else's words or actions. Logically, I know that I didn't do anything wrong or with bad intentions. Not everyone has to like me -   I am not a box of chocolate.

Pivot

 PIVOT! You remember that scene from Friends where Ross is screaming "PIVOT, PIVOT"?  Since March 13th, I feel like I have been stuck in that one scene.  I have learned to Pivot on a dime.  School is closed for two weeks ... we will be back, don't take everything home. So we pivoted to a modified school system for the kids.   Fast forward two weeks, schools will be closed for the foreseeable future, but you still can't get your stuff since we are quarantined... pivot again. Do your best, they said, but stay inside and don't go out.

We seemed to settle down for the remainder of the school year.  Lots of personal pivots... family vacations canceled, beach trips become a game of how far apart can I sit from these people on the beach. I mean really, it was like a giant game of Jenga...ooh, they are getting too close, should I move to the left... nope there is someone there. Pivot, pivot, pivot.

Then the new year began, major pivot time. Lots of last-minute decisions.  Let's push back the year by two weeks but teachers you should come to school to "train". Pivot all of those planned lessons.  Let's go virtual but teachers should teach from school.  Pivot.  Now I have to sit in an empty classroom and teach.  Glad I didn't have little kids that needed me to help them.  (Those teachers could teach from home but their littles would be there too... how do you do that?!?) Finally, let's all come back to school but parents can decide what they want to do.  Here is a list of requirements for the classroom. Pivot.. now we get ready... how do I put these desks so far apart, how will they each lunch? Pivot, Pivot, Pivot.

The year seems to be a series of more pivots.  Don't want to come to school, have covid, tired today from a late-game... stay at home... I will upload all of your lessons.. sure you can join virtually.  Whatever it takes!  The weather is bad... let's stay home and I will teach you without any of your supplies.  Pivot, pivot, pivot.  One thing for sure is I am a master of the pivot... maybe I could have helped Ross!

Consistency is the Key

 Consistency is key. It doesn't really matter what you are working on, discussing, or thinking about... consistency is key.  In order to make sure something "sticks", you have to put in the work.  Like real work.. not half the work.. the whole shebang.  Time, effort, and CONSISTENCY are what it takes for EVERYTHING!

Many have read or heard about Malcolm Gladwell's theory on 10,000 hours.  That it takes 10,000 hours to get really good at something or to "learn" it.  Many subscribe to the theory that it takes 21 days to create a habit or to have something "stick".  I say again... CONSISTENCY is the key.  When you are consistent with your efforts, you reap rewards.

You want to lose 50 pounds... then create a calorie deficit and STICK to it.  It won't happen overnight.. Consistency is the key.  You want to play the guitar.... then find a program, practice and STICK with it.  It won't happen immediately.... Consistency is the key.  You want to hit home runs... then get in the batting cage and practice.  You won't hit one over the next game.... Consistency is the key. 

All too often, we want something in life, whatever that may be, but we are not willing to put in the time, effort, or the CONSISTENCY to make it happen.  We tend to give up when the first negative thing happens, but we can't.  We have to fight the urge to quit... we need to buckle down... double our efforts... pull ourselves up.... and STICK with it!  Things may get tough, it may seem like you are going backward but CONSISTENCY is the key.  Whatever you are fighting for, working towards, or struggling with, stick with it.... CONSISTENCY is the key. 

The note

 The note is tattered and worn.  It's taped haphazardly to the kidney table. The note is full of love, promise, and phonetically spelled words.  The small, white note was one of thanks from student to teacher written on copy paper and cut out with love.  

The writer secretly placed the thank you note on my desk.  She wanted me to know how much she was inspired to write more, that she loved writing and couldn't wait to be a writer.  I taped it lovingly to my desk, a year later it is still there.  The note reminds me that I am making a difference, that my love for writing shows through to my "kids" and sometimes it just takes reaching one student to make a difference. 

The writer of the note struggles academically.  She is in the remedial group - often leaving class to receive help.  Somehow she always made it back for writing! Writing gave her a purpose, an outlet, and a chance to be successful.  That is what we want for all kids - to find the joy in education, to find their purpose, and above all... to feel successful.  This girl, this note... she felt like she was successful, and she made feel that way too.

The worn, tattered note of thanks warms my heart.  What a simple gesture, what a moment of pure kindness the note is.  She has no idea how much that simple note means, but I do.  Every day her kind words, her note from the heart reminds me that I am doing something right. 

Not today....

 Have you ever struggled to find an idea for your blog post?  Has your mind been all over the place with ideas but none feel quite right?  That is where I am today... lots of ideas but nothing to show for it. Writer's block is a real thing... even for blog posts!

I just can't seem to find the words or even the correct keys on the keyboard this morning.  You might say to wait until later to write.  Anyone that knows the life of a teacher knows that the farther into the day you get the busier you become.  After school, I have an IEP meeting and then I have dinner to make for a ravenous 17-year-old.  If I am going to write anything, it has to get done now. This sounds like a bunch of excuses... I can almost hear that in my own teacher's voice :)!

Today may just not be my best writing day.  You know what?!? That is ok!  I have learned that I must give myself grace.  That in this year when so much has changed, so much pressure has been placed on teachers, I have to give myself a break.  I can't be perfect or "on" all the time.  Some days... I just don't have it.  Today is that day!  So, tomorrow I will write longer and better, I will have more to say... after all, I have a million ideas today !