Simple Joys

Life is full of simple joys.  In this time of uncertainty, change, and anxiety it is important to seize the moments that bring us joy.  All to often, we are caught in the muck and mire of the day... never pausing to smell the roses or marvel at the sound of the birds.  I say that we use this tumultuous time in our lives, to reflect,  to grow, to seize the moments of pure bliss.... whatever they may be.

For me, the smell of morning coffee and the pleasure of drinking it hot and not in a rush is a simple joy.  Many teachers can attest to the fact that our coffee is either consumed lukewarm or in such a rush that you don't get to enjoy it.  I am going to enjoy my coffee hot, while not rushed and enjoying the quiet start to another day. 

Hearing the sounds of laugher from people young and old playing outside is a simple joy.  My boys have played countless games of corn hole and the sounds that they make are hilarious and smile-worthy.  The sounds of the two young boys next door playing whatever made-up game they play daily takes me back to when my own boys played outside with their imagination.  Pure, simple joy.

Watching multiple movies in a series, or multiple seasons of a show with my family brings me simple joy.  How lucky am I that my almost 20 year old wants to watch tv with me?  He isn't rushing off to be with his friends or girlfriend, he is content to sit with me.  We rewatched all the Avengers movies and are now on to Survivor.  Silly, shows I know, but who cares he is watching them with me and I get a chance I wouldn't have had without this pandemic.

Do I miss things? Sure.  Do I wish things would go back to normal? Sure.... for the most part.  But right now, I am choosing to see the simple joys in my life.  I choose Joy!

Today is the Day

Today is the day! My 16-year-old is finally getting his braces off.  This kid has had them on since the sixth grade.... he is just wrapping up his sophomore year of high school.  At times, I feel that this is the longest time anyone has ever had braces on before!! He didn't have major problems with his teeth, they were a little crooked and he had a mild overbite but nothing that constituted years of wear.  But in typical Drew fashion, things happen that could only happen to him.

See Drew is my if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen to him kid.  You know the kid that if the flu is in a 3000-mile radius he gets it... twice.  Or if someone is bleeding or broken, it's him.  Most sentences that concern injury or illness start with, "Mom.... Drew is...". I mean he is the only child I have ever heard of who broke their permanent front tooth by being startled in class and banging their tooth on the desk.  True story... the morning of ITBS of his fifth-grade year, he startled for some unknown reason, banged his face on his desk, and knocked out half his tooth.  Seriously, right!!

His brace experience has been no different.  One such instance, the dental hygienist, when cleaning his teeth, knocked off a bracket.  Weird but ok..... until the orthodontist couldn't get us in right away.  Then we left for our planned vacation and by the time we got back, went to the orthodontist the damage was done.  His timeline was extended and we had new wires and new issues.  Another time, he was playing with the dog.  They play pretty rough as boys and their dogs do.  Well, one thing led to another and the dog and Drew went for the toy at the same time.  The dog raised his head at the same time that Drew lowered his.... you guessed it, his front tooth that was bonded on fell off below the bracket.  Of course! That involved a trip to the ortho to remove the bracket, then the dentist to glue the tooth back on, back to the ortho to have the bracket back on.  The kicker was they couldn't put the wire on for a week or so to let the tooth bond.  So, new timeline, new problems, new issues! Finally, Covid... the gift that keeps on giving.  Drew was scheduled for his final visits two separate times over the quarantine. Of course, they were canceled and his timeline was extended.

But today is the day!! He is getting them off and I can't wait.  I think I may be more excited than he is... that could be because the appointment was scheduled for 8 AM and teenagers don't wake up this early.  Personally, getting up early to get them off is worth it!

Dipping My Toes.....

I have been venturing out into the real world in small situations.   Dipping my toe in the pool of life, so to speak.  It has been exciting and anxiety-ridden all at once. It is strange to me how things that were once so normal are now met with equal parts of nervousness and joy.  I find myself holding myself in check, holding back, assessing all the angles and situations.... I have become like one of those TV spies..... checking how many people are there? can I safely go this way? should I approach this person? is this person showing signs of illness? and the list goes on and on.

I spend time wondering if this is my new normal.  Will I remember this as the time that I became anxious, that I stopped giving hugs when I greet people?  Is this when I changed?  Is this when I stopped running into the store for every little thing?  Is this when people stopped giving handshakes or gathering in large groups?  Is this when school became different?  I would really like a crystal ball to answer these questions!

Maybe what this dipping of my toe kind of caution is a way for me, and everyone else, to adjust to facing uncertainty head-on.  Maybe small doses of normal are how I build back up to normal life. Maybe I learn to let go of what may be and embrace what is happening now.  Maybe I put faith in my fellow community members that they too are trying to ease back into society.  Maybe in time, testing the waters will seem like the right thing to do.

So, I will keep venturing out.  I will wear my mask and wash my hands every chance I get.  I will learn new ways of greeting people. I will learn to have happy eyes and a  joyful voice until I can stop wearing a mask.  I will embrace this shallow end until I am ready (and the world is ready) for the deep end.

The Pack Up

Late last week, my colleagues and I were given the green light to go into school and pack up the kids' stuff.  When we left that last Friday in March, we had no idea that we would be out for so long.  The kids packed up what they were told they would need for a two-week time frame and heading out the door.  Sadly, that two-week time frame ended up being the remainder of the year.  And kids being kids, they want their stuff.  Which is funny in itself since their stuff is textbooks and folders.... like they weren't all that excited about that stuff on March 12th!!

Our admin is very conscientious about following the CDC guidelines and adhering to the rules of social distancing.  We were emailed a sign-up genius, with specific instructions on the number of people allowed in each room and to ensure that we were not within 40 feet of another classroom.  Being the rule follower that I am, I changed my sign up many times to ensure that the new person that signed up wasn't too close.  My day was Monday.

It was such an eerie feeling to be in the school with only 7 other teachers.  Now granted, a few of those teachers are some of my favorite people on the planet and good friends of mine.  It was so hard not to give them a hug hello, to maintain my distance, and to not run down to their classrooms to chat.  I settled for very far apart brief hallway chats, a few texts back and forth and a quick see you later when we were done.  It was just not the same.

The whole thing is not the same.  The kids should be there packing up their belongings.  The noise should be loud and silly and mixed with the occasional, "Oh, that's where that is" or "Mrs. Garrison, I found that Scholastic I was supposed to turn in!"  Instead, it was quiet and calm and sad. (Although, I did find lots of work that should have been turned in a LONG time ago!) It was just another way to show me how much I miss the kids, no one got into teaching to be alone in the classroom.

I hope that when we come out on the other side of this madness, we remember all of these feelings.  I hope that we do not get so caught up in all that we have to do, how far behind they will inevitably be or become irritated by them saying our names a million times in a school day.  I hope that we remember that empty classroom pack up, the loneliness we felt, and the desire to see our kids and give them one more hug or high five.  I know I will remember!

Can't Never Did Anything

A common phrase tossed around social media, teacher's lounges and the pool is helicopter parenting.  Sometimes the phrase becomes lawnmower parents or bulldozer parents.  We have all heard the phrase, the reference to parenting styles today.  We are often quick to say, "When I was a kid, my mom just had me drink from a hose and gave me a bologna sandwich on white bread".  Right... who hasn't heard the tales of how parents in the 70's or 80's parented?  Like it is a golden elixir to what ails the parenting world today. If we could just turn back time, today's parents would see the amazing parenting styles of the parents of yesteryear (insert sarcastic eye roll here!).

I am a child born in the 70's and I did drink from a hose and ate LOTS of bologna on white bread with Hellman's mayonnaise.  I stayed out until the streetlights came on, got dirty, went on adventures and rode my bike a million miles a day.  It was a great childhood!  Was my mom doing anything different than any other mom?  No, everyone in my small town did the same thing.

I have children of the new  Millenium who have not had the same childhood experiences that I have had.  They don't stay out until the streetlights come on or the fire station blows the whistle. Why not?  Mainly because it is a different time and place.  We live in an era where kids have easy access to electronics that were not around when I was their age.  They are presented with a million different options for everything.  I mean Saturday morning cartoons are not a big thing for kids today, they have cartoons 24/7.  They will never know the excitement I felt to get up on Saturday and watch the cartoons with my dad.

Did my mom let me learn somethings for myself? Absolutely! Did she help with school work? Absolutely... she was an elementary school teacher and her projects were always better than mine! She struck a balance between doing everything for me and allowing me to figure it out.  I have tried to do that with my kids... help when needed but allow them to fail.  Without failure, they will not learn anything. I think that is the hardest concept for parents to not only understand but to follow through on.  We all want what is best for our kids, we want them to have a great life.. better than ours.  When they cry or are angry it feels like a direct hit to the heart, we want to scoop them up and make it better.  At some point we have to allow them to feel things, to experience what it is like to fail, to learn a lesson, and to pick yourself back up and move on.  Bulldozing, helicoptering or lawnmowing... whatever you want to call it.... will not help the kids in the long run.  Will it be easier in the moment?  Absolutely!  When they go to college and can't write a paper? Not so much!   Can we offer our kids help? Absolutely!  Should we do the work for them, or micromanage their every word? Not so much!

I have a sign hanging above my kitchen door, it is a quote attributed to many professional athletes so I can't give credit to who said it, but it says, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take".  Without trying something on your own, without failing and learning from your mistakes, you can not grow into the person you are destined to be.  As my mom said (at least four billion times!), "Chrissy, can't never did anything."

The Parenting Boat

Parenting is like being in a small boat amidst a powerful storm.  You have to be a strong seaman to navigate the parenting waters.  The waters are always choppy, seldom calm and shark-infested.  At times, the life vest is deflated or missing from your proverbial boat. The winds whip and the rain falls in one breath and in another it is a beautiful, sunny day.  It takes all of your effort to keep the boat afloat and all the members in your small boat alive.  As the captain or co-captain, you realize that with each passing storm another storm will soon be on the horizon.  Such a tough job.... the constant change, the constant struggle, the days of calm seas followed by the hurricane-force winds. 

It is a relentless pursuit of ensuring the well being of the members of your boat, who often question your every move.  Should we be doing that? Wouldn't it be better if we did this? Why are we doing this? Or present their facts and ideas on the best course of action for your small vessel, acting as if your years of being a captain and seaman are irrelevant.  I think we should do this because....., or the current facts are.......  or my personal favorite.... when I am in charge we will do it this way (Don't you really want to say...go ahead get your own boat and see how you do?).

The people in your boat have emotions that rival the storms your boat encounters.  One minute they are as calm as the sea, the next their emotions rival the storm around you.  (Maybe they are the cause of the storms?? ) Just when you believe that your boat has passed the worst of the storm, the clouds grow and a new storm approaches... just like the emotions of the people in your boat. You, as captain, can never quite get a handle on the storms as they change with the wind, come from all directions and threaten to sink your boat at any time. 

Being captain is a tough job. You do not receive any formal training for navigating these waters, you learn as you go.  Some days, you are a great captain. Others, your boat barely stays afloat.  The rewards, like sunshine after a storm, are breathtaking and leave you with a sense of awe and wonder at the majesty of the sea.  Likewise, when the storm is bad,  you bail water out of your boat as quickly as you can with your eyes on the storm and you hope that it is a small squall and not a hurricane.

Eventually, your boat will be smaller with less responsibility.  We all know that.  We know the storms will pass, the waters will calm and the sharks will move on to greater pursuits.  But while navigating the waters with a full boat, it is hard to see past the storm, to look for the sun amidst the clouds. So, my fellow captains... hold tight to your life vest, keep rowing towards the sun, there are brighter days ahead.

I Told You So....

As a small recap to an ongoing saga of home gym assembly, my youngest son's gym closed in late March due to Covid -19.  We had an unassembled home gym hidden in a storage closet in the basement.  My husband, being the good father he is (insert eye roll here!), told my youngest about the gym and said we could put it together.  Two weekends later, a gazillion trips to Ace Hardware and the machine was not finished.  We were all exhausted, agitated and at a loss.... the machine was winning the battle. 

I pointed to one point in the pulley system and repeatedly....seriously like a million times.... told "the boys" that this was our issue.  I just could not understand the logic of the design and could see that it visually did not go there. I showed them pictures, I backtracked on the directions, I hypothesized that the missing inches we needed to connect the last piece were lost in that one section.  Well... no one believed me or to be fair, no one cared enough at this point to listen.  So, we threw in the towel and walked away. 

Fast forward two days... I am upstairs meeting virtually with my fourth-grade team and hear sounds coming from the front room where the gym is located. Sorta like the clang of metal together, what could that be I wonder.  The sounds are faint but I can just make out the noises of exertion, of murmured voices and then what sounds like something going up and down.  All of this is happening while I am behind closed doors, trying desperately to concentrate on my team all while trying to determine what the sounds are.  Stupid teacher ears.... we hear everything!  Now I am so distracted by these new noises and miss parts of what is being said.  I force myself to focus on the team, figuring that the call will end quicker if I actually pay attention!

Finally, the call is over.  I close my laptop with vigor, make a mental note of the things that I still need to accomplish today and open my bedroom door.  Sure enough, the sounds are louder.  It is definitely coming from the front room and it is definitely the sound of something being pulled up and down.  I quickly descend the first half of the staircase, make the turn towards the second half of the stairs and get a clear view of the front room.  Sure enough, they have finished the machine and it works! 

I pause about halfway down the second set of stairs and survey the situation.  The boys pause and await my reaction.  I ask them what the issue was and how did they fix it.  They sheepishly reply that it was the pulley area I said didn't work... not in those exact words but it was my idea after all.  Being the fantastic mom I am, I broke out in an I was right dance that lasted a few minutes.  The dance was complete with song, lots of shaking, and lots of I was right.  My boys just looked at each other and said, "I told you she would do this!"  Momma is always right!!

Seriously, the gym has been a great solace for my teenagers.  My husband has joined in the workouts too and the gym has provided another layer of bonding.  The whole experience was long, painful at times but well worth it.  After all.... I was right!! 😜

Phantom Pain

Phantom pain is a phrase that came to me during my early morning workout.  Phantom pain the kind you get from missing something that should be there.  You hear of people who have lost a limb remark that they still feel pain in the missing limb.  This pain is the mind getting used to the absence of something that should be there. The pain is real, not imagined.  This pain is felt in the soul of the person experiencing it.

Websters defines the word phantom as a ghost or something that is imagined.  Phantom pain is defined as pain, that was once believed to be imagined, generating from a missing limb or organ.  Science has since proven that this pain is generated by the brain and/or spinal cord as a result of rewiring the neurons.

Phantom pain.... missing something that is not there.  A rewiring of the brain so that the brain grows accustomed to its new normal.  To me, this sounds like what educators and students are feeling now.  A pain, a soul-deep pain, over a loss of what should be. We are all struggling to find the source of the pain, to force the brain to grow accustomed to its new normal.  Many of us, educators, parents, and students, are struggling to ease the pain, to work through our new normal. To find normalcy in the unnormal.

 A phantom pain.... a rewiring of the brain......an acceptance of what is now normal. Events are moving so quickly, our brains.... our hearts.... our souls can not keep up.  We are left with unease, worry, pain.  Our minds are in overdrive trying to reconcile all the images, the feelings, and all the information.... trying to find the source of the pain and determining our new normal.  The magical thing is our brains will accept the new normal, our souls will recover and our hearts will expand.  We will find joy in simplicity, find the silver lining in our storm clouds.  We will adapt and grow stronger.

*** I feel as if I need a disclaimer... in no way was I trivializing the loss of a limb.  That is far worse than the temporary loss we are all experiencing. I was just borrowing the phrase!

The Empty Classroom

Yesterday, we got the news that school would be closed for the remainder of this year.  Closed for the remainder of the year.... I had a feeling that those words were coming, yet when they were said I was still shocked.  Flabbergasted, heartbroken, devastated, lost.... all emotions that I experienced in a span of minutes.  It is one thing to think something is going to happen and another for it to happen.

I had to take the night to process the depth of my emotions and how to move forward with purpose and positivity.  See, that is what I do... I am a one foot in front of the other kind of person.  I have experienced great loss, both my parents and last year my sister in law, and I put one foot in front of the other and came out the other side with lessons learned.  I just needed a minute to get my bearings, to allow myself to feel the loss, to have a good old fashioned cry.

I have taken my minute and I am putting one for in front of the other.  I believe the loss is so profound this time because it involved 51 nine and ten-year-olds who I love dearly.  These kids make me smile, laugh until I have tears rolling down my face and give the best hugs.  They always seem to know when I needed a break, or a joke or a riddle...they love riddles.  They are silly and smart and at times drove me CRAZY.  But I would love to be back together again. We had so many things that we were going to do, so many things that we still needed to learn.  Just so many things....

Although I won't see their smiling faces in my classroom anymore or hear their giggles or see them choosing kindness, their legacy will be felt in years to come.  I will look out into my classroom and remember the good times that we had, the silly times and of course, the times that were not so great and I will find comfort in it.  I will tell stories to the next group of fourth graders and reminisce with this group when I see them in the hall.  We will forever be tied together by this shared experience and I can not think of a more perfect group to be associated with.

The End!

Wow! About a month and a half ago, I stumbled across the Two Writing Teachers site while researching ways to improve my teaching of writing.  Little did I know that my research would lead to the growth of my writing, the building of a community of writers that I am proud to be a part of, and the empathy I have for my students. I could have never predicted or even imagined the change in our world in the last 31 days. March has been a bear, a beast, a month to be reckoned with.

So, to end my slice challenge I have decided to reflect on lessons learned, experiences I have had and plans for my writing.

I Have Learned....

What I start out writing, often takes a turn and takes me in a different way
Writing is hard but so rewarding
Patience and Grace in times of struggle or change is paramount
A kind word from a stranger can brighten your day
Sometimes, just putting pen to paper (fingers to computer) is all it takes to break writer's block
Having someone "get" what you are writing about and agreeing with you validates you
21 days makes a habit
The world is really small
People all over the world can share in one experience and benefit from their sharing
Washing your hands is very important
After washing your hands a million times, lotion is your friend
Never take for granted shaking someone's hand or giving a hug
People really like toilet paper
In times of crisis, people band together to help others
I am not cut out for a sit behind a computer kind of job
School is not just the books or curriculum, school is the people in it
School is about relationships more than it is about education
I miss my 51 fourth graders a lot
Family is a blessing
We should not take our health for granted or our family
Life is all about your attitude, you choose how your day is going to do
Be happy, choose to be positive, make the best of a crazy situation
You can not make everyone happy, accept that
Finally, above all choose kindness.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of a wonderful writing experience. My plan is to keep on blogging, either every day or a few times a week.  I have benefited from the outlet and the release. My ability to empathize and help my kids grow as writers has changed in unimaginable ways.  Till next March....

And....the Machine Won!

It was day three in my family's journey to assemble a home gym.  Friday was the first day and we got a majority of the way through the assembly until we didn't have all the parts.  After many trips to Ace Hardware on Saturday, we had the gym assembled and began to deal with the pulley system.  Saturday ended with everyone frustrated and in need of a break and the promise of picking it back up on Sunday.

My first clue things were not going to go well should have been the dark, large clouds that loomed in the sky.  The outside atmosphere seemed to mirror that of the inside.  As I came down the stairs, I stared down that pulley system and gave a quick glance at the mechanisms.  I am still convinced that we have assembled it correctly.  Anyway, I go about my morning waiting eagerly for the men in the house to wake up and tackle this beast of a gym.

When my husband finally wakes up, we begin to discuss the gym and where we could have gone wrong and what the possibilities for quick fixes are.  We head into the gym armed with caffeine and can do attitudes.  My oldest is up and has agreed to put his young mind to the task.  Step one for us is to go back and look at the stupid directions.  Now, I know it is not nice to call something stupid but at this point I have them memorized and I can not figure out what the pictures signify.  I mean if you are going to put all of the technical words and then put the pictures to help people, at least make the pictures decipherable!

We study the directions like we are studying for final exams and come to the conclusion, we have followed all the steps and the pulleys are going in the right direction.  Step two is to tighten all the loose bolts, we decide that there may be some play in the pulley system.  The boys begin the arduous task of tightening an endless amount of bolts and I go and wake the youngest.  I can't decide whose chore is worse! The youngest makes his way downstairs, looks at the machine and groans... even he who wants the gym more than the rest of us, can't believe we are still working on it. 

Tightening the bolts does very little, we get maybe 3/4 of an inch closer to connecting the last pieces of the pulley system together.  Back to the drawing board, we go!  We decide to change out the piece of carpet that is under the gym that does not match the others thinking that maybe the differences in height are affecting the pulley system.  Nope! We are all back to staring at the drawings and at the pulley system.  We believe that one section is causing the problem, but we can not figure out how to fix it... our set up is exactly like the pictures show (or at least from what we can tell). So, we decide to try and rig the system to work.  We had back to Ace Hardware in search of a fix.  After what feels like forever, we decide on chains and carabiner clips.  The reluctant consensus is that we can connect the chains and clips to the pre-drilled holes in the pulley system and it should work. We find a super helpful employee he cuts the chains, we pay and drive back home.  After washing our hands for the millionth time today, we get to testing our idea.  Ah... this doesn't work either.  The clips are too big and we know that they have to be that size to support the weights. We are out of ideas, out of patience and are just done with this gym.  You know how you get to that point where you are so frustrated, everyone is mad at everyone else and it becomes not worth it anymore?  That is where we are, we just can't anymore today.  Maybe we are done for good!

Today is another day, the birds are chirping and the day looks like it will be a good one.  Hopefully, after working at home today, we can look at the directions again and try and tackle the pulley system.  If not today, I know we will look at it again this week.  We do not give up... maybe we take breaks, maybe we step away, but we are not going to give up.  The machine will not win!