Growing up and letting go

 Growing up is hard but letting your kids be a grown-up is even harder.  When my kids were young, I thought that each stage had to be the hardest. When they were two and into everything, I just knew that was the worst stage.  Everyone talks about the terrible twos!  I breathed such a sigh of relief when that was over - the worst was behind me it should be all sunshine and rainbows.  Nope - three was even worse.  They learn that word NO... and use it constantly, over and over again.  The relief and then the consternation at the new stage repeated over and over as they grew.

I guess people just don't talk about how parenting someone taller than you or almost as big as you are is.  As kids grow they develop new stages, new issues that are not in the parenting books.  The books seem to just gloss over the adolescent years.  And where are the books about what to do when your baby becomes an adult?  How do you just turn off the parenting switch?  Seriously, if you know how to do this - please fill me in! 

I firmly believe that the hardest parenting years are the ones from middle school through high school.  Adolescents are no joke!  They are like giant toddlers that drive a car and go out on their own. Would you ever give your two-year-old the keys to the family car?  Of course not, but that is what we do to 16-year-olds.  Now I know my comparison has flaws, obviously, two-year-olds can't drive nor do they have the mental capabilities to drive - but sometimes 16-year-olds act like two-year-olds. We, as parents, become sleep deprived yet again, as we wait up for their arrival.  The cycle begins again - we are super tired, they are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (or sullen and say the word no a million times). Someone should have warned me that I need to stock up on my sleep - oh wait I couldn't because I am a parent and these kids of mine are busy, busy, busy. 

Now, I am just entering the parenting of an adult phase.  This is an awkward and emotional phase.  My oldest is 21, my youngest is 18.  They are technically adults - but not really.  They don't have life experience yet... they don't know the ins and outs of being an adult.  Mentally I know that they need to experience life to get the life experience, and I have to stop treating them like children.  I just can't figure out how to become a trusted advisor and not a parent.  How does one do that?  I see what is going to unfold before they do it - and I know I can't stop them, they need to learn.  It is so hard to do!  

Emotionally this is a tough phase.  My boys are super cool people, I honestly like them as people.  It is just so darn hard to step back, to let them make big decisions, to offer an ear but not tell them what to do.  I know that my best years are ahead with them.  I am excited to see what they do with their lives, how they are as parents, who they choose as a partner... how they live.  BUT parenting a grown-up is really a strange new stage.  Here is hoping I learn to keep my mouth shut unless they ask for my advice!